This one commercial said “Forget everything you know about slip covers,” so I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell slip covers, but I didn’t know what the hell they were.

I think Pringles’ initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truck load of potatoes arrived. And Pringles is a laid back company, they said, “Cut ‘em up.”

You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just gonna ask where they’re going and hook up with ‘em later.

One time a guy handed me a picture, he said “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture of you is when you were younger.

I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.

I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an “Escalator Temporarily Out of Order” sign. Only an “Escalator Temporarily Stairs… Sorry for the Convenience.”